Friday, May 13, 2011

Why I should win a nonexistent contest for a spot on the TCM Classic Cruise

If you've been following this blog for a time, or know me in life, you know my love of film to the point of over exuberant, pull out the roll on eye glitter excitement, especially as related to all things classic. I've also mentioned my fascination with old ocean liners and an instant interest in any film that utilizes them as a key setting. With these points in mind it should be no surprise that the moment I heard about this cruise I ran to the nearest empty telephone box and put on my Lucy Ricardo thinking cap.

One of my favorite quotes, ostensibly by Franz Kafka, is "By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired." Though in the words of Abe Lincoln "Never trust any quote you see on the Internet." Thus I'm going to ignore the fact that no such chance exists (yet), by providing as compelling a presentation as I can of why I should win a spot on the TCM Classic Cruise, as well as the various realistic plans I have should this scheme fall through.

The Pitch
  • As the Marx Brothers have taught us, it's entirely possible to fit an entire army of people in a closet size cabin. So what's one extra girl?
  • I know how to tap dance, so should the entire boat decide to break into song I could lead the charge. If character references are necessary, I have several friends who would be more than happy to attest to my ability to do so at the drop of a hat. As evidence I could also provide a Facebook album entitled "Flashdance made me do it."
  • There can never be enough entertainment on a cruise ship, and a collection of classic film fans offers so many potentialities. I would be more than willing to contribute and earn the experience in unique ways aside from the old standard of washing dishes (though that's always an option). For example
  1. A Circus Style Booth where I can wow the crowds with my ability to channel the habits of an 85 year old. Come one come all to see the amazing Meredith! She eats dinner at 5pm! She's watched 8 seasons of Murder She Wrote!
  2. Malicious Gossip with Meredith: A daily discussion of the great scandals of Hollywood, the proposed truths and untruths, and why either way Hollywood Babylon is still nothing more than an interesting piece of trash (truth? you can't handle the truth!). Followed by an encore where I then have to fight off everyone who loves Hollywood Babylon.
  3. William Desmond Taylor Murder Mystery Dinner Party: Every other evening at 8pm. I'll play all the roles.
And many more!

Should This Plea Not Work Out For Some Strange Reason...
  • Barnyard musical.
  • Practice perfecting my I'll be back! cape swish

As God is my witness... well, you know the rest. More importantly, who's coming along? ;)

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